so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
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