I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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