i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Blood and glitter go together right?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
