I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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