just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize