How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
