I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
