Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
