I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
