i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
