I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
it's like iHOP with fire
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
