the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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