C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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