The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
