I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Randomize
