you're like a bully in the Christmas story
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I have fence marks all over my body
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
