Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
now i know why i became what i already was.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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