He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
