Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
