She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
