I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
