we're blogging at a bar
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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