I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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