I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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