We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
