His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Randomize
