I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
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