I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
