Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
