I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
