She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize