I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Randomize
