The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
