Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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