You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
