Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
COCAINE IS GR8
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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