I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
