I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize