Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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