I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
