Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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