I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
