New low: just hacked my moms facebook
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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