is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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