but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Randomize