Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
