Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
