the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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