Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize