1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
