I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize