i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
