So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize