So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
