Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
