theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize