Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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