can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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