Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
How's work?
Spinning.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
