this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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