Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
