and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
