it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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