Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
