actually, I'm a sock model
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
